Most people gave me the startled face as if they just got a static shock when they heard that I take psychiatric medication, and got even more worried on their face when I said I have been taking it long-term. I guess to come to meet me as a person who is on psychiatric medication and counselling service in their life is a bit of a surprise; people wouldn’t expect me to reveal this as I have always hid this pretty well. I know people who are close to me want me to feel good so they say pretty words telling me it’s ok to stay on the meds, although I guess they also wonder if the meds really have amazing effects on me and are afraid of the side effects.
大部份人當聽到我服用精神科藥物是都一臉驚嚇就像被靜電電了一下，我說我是長期服用的時候，臉上表現得更擔心。我想在現實中遇上我，一個長期服用精神科藥物和接受精神輔導的人有些驚奇吧；我把自己的病一向都隱藏得不錯，大家不會想到我會表露這一面。我知道和我親密的人想我感覺良好到會說美麗的話去告訴我說長期服藥沒甚麼問題，但其實他們也會懷疑那些藥物是不是真的有超好的作用和對副作用有些忌諱。
Three persons who I come across in life each posed me a question about psychiatric medication that is worth mentioning. (I am just talking about my experience as the medicine user first hand, but what I say has no bearing to any biological or medical reference though).
我的人生中認識過三個人，每人都各問過我一條關於精神科藥物而值得談到的問題。（我只是第一身的身份去說我作為服藥者的自我經歷，但我所說的沒有生理學或醫學上的參考指引）。
Case no.1: side effects. 附作用
Of course psychiatric medication doesn’t do magic but they have kept me calm, as simple as that. They made me weary, so I didn’t act on my impulse. Other side effects are constipation, shaky hands, sweating, sleepiness, but they don’t really affect me anymore when I have got used to them after some time. I still have some of these symptoms is due to anxiety. As I am seeing a private psychiatrist so I get the latest medicine for curing my symptoms which also come with fewer side effects. Cheaper medicine may therefore be less effective and have more side effects to it but still it is better to have medicine to keep calm.
當然服用精神科藥物不會像魔法般讓立刻好起來，但它讓我可以冷靜，就是這麼簡單。這些藥物令我疲倦，所以我不能衝動做事。其他副作用包括便秘，手震，流汗，渴睡，但過了一段適應期就沒有太能在影響我。我仍然有這些癥狀是因為我的焦慮症。我看私家診所的精神科醫生，所以我服用最新出的藥物，會比較少副作用。價格比較低的就會作用比較小和多一點副作用，但總括來說也是有藥物服用去保持冷靜比較好。
Case no. 2: whether psychological problems should be dealt by changing one’s own mindset (and for some by relying on one’s religion) instead of taking medicine. 是否應該通過改變自己的心態（或有些人會通過依靠自己的宗教）來處理心理問題，而不是選擇服藥。
A friend has suggested that she dose not think seeing a psychiatrist to get medical sort of treatment, including taking of the medication. She suggested that I just prayed and relied on my religion. This actually comes back to the myth that depression people are just cowards or over-sentimental; if only they are mentally stronger, they would not be sick or if only they are more faithful, depression would not visit them.
我有一個朋友建議我不要看精神科醫生去得到治療，包括不用服藥。 她建議我只需祈禱和依靠我的宗教信仰就可。 這實際上回到了那個說抑鬱症病人是懦夫或過度情緒化的指控; 如果他們在精神上更強壯，又或者如果他們更虔誠，他們就不會生病，抑鬱症不會找上他們。
If a person can just make a difference to her mindset by herself, she would not be diagnosed with depression; she may be just having a hard time and is feeling upset, but soon she will be fine. Depression is a long-term demon, so the medicine helps to at least bump the required hormones into patients’ brain to make the chemicals inside a body all work effectively in order to conquer negative emotions.
如果一個人只能自己可改變她的心態，她就不會被診斷有抑鬱症; 她可能只是在經歷一個困難的時間，感到不高興，但很快她就會好起來的。 抑鬱症是一個要長期對付的惡魔，所以藥物至少注進所需的賀爾蒙入患者的大腦，使身體內的化學物質都有效地工作，以征服消極的情緒。
I am always worried that people with religious background think that by being faithful they won’t need psychiatric medicine, and they persuade people in their religious community not to seek medical treatment. Moreover, I heard that some people who has a religious background will choose to see a psychiatrist of the same religion. Well, for my case I didn’t do so as I mentioned that my religious faith pressurised me; I don’t want to see a psychiatrist who tries to cure me from a religious point of view but someone who would take a more objective approach. It dose not mean that I have forgotten how much my religious faith has played a huge role in putting me back in place over the course of this year though. After all, the knowledge of psychiatry traces back to be a source of intelligence given by God in my religion.
我總是擔心，有宗教背景的人認為，只要虔誠，他們就不需要精神科藥物，和去說服宗教界的人不用看醫生。 此外，我聽說一些有宗教背景的人會選擇看和自己同一宗教的精神科醫生。 我自己就沒有這樣做，像我以前提到我的宗教信仰給過我壓力; 我不想看一個試圖從宗教的角度來治愈我精神病醫生，但反而想醫生會採取更客觀的方法。 這並不意味著我忘記了我的宗教信仰在過去的一年裡對我康復的重要性。 畢竟，在我的宗教裏，精神病學的知識的來源追溯到起來不是由神而來嗎？。
I just hope that religious believers would not end up bringing more pressure on those with mental problems by misleading them to rely on faith solely; why not both medicine and faith?
我只是希望宗教信徒不會被誤導了他們只需依靠虔誠的信念，帶來更多的壓力; 藥物與信仰，為何不二者都選呢？
Case no.3: whether psychiatric medicine dominates me or even brainwashes me as to losing my independent judgment on things. 無論精神病藥物會不會支配我，甚至使我迷失了我對於事物的獨立判斷。
The person who asked me this question is rather brainless, no offence, and maybe that’s why I am no longer in contact with him. I remember at the time I just answered him, ‘well, if that is true, I won’t even be able to be here and talking to you right now’. I had been on medication for long time, it was only after three months that I could start going out by myself and I gradually made progress slowly.
冒犯了，不過問我這個問題的人是好無腦，也許這就是為什麼我不再和他有聯絡的原因。 我記得當時我只是回答他，「好吧，如果這是真的，現在我甚至不能在這里和你談話。 」我一直在吃藥都很長時間了，要大概三個月後，我才可以開始自己出去，我也逐漸地取得進展，緩慢地康復起來。
It is true that I acted impulsively and shed tears regularly to begin with. As with meds, instead of losing my independent judgment, it is by being forced to stay weary and calm by the meds that I begin to think more logically. I have been on the meds for one year now, what I am doing regularly includes these things: going to work, volunteering, meeting new people, doing yoga and dancing, self-studying; I think this explains well enough if taking psychiatric medication would cause someone to be dominated or brainwashed.
我一開始行動好衝動和定期流淚是真的。 服用精神科藥物，沒有讓我失去我的獨立判斷，是被藥效迫使我疲憊和平靜，於是我開始更邏輯地思考。 現在我已經在服藥一年了，我經常做的包括這些事情：去上班，做義工，認識新朋友，做瑜伽和跳舞，自修溫習; 究竟服用精神科藥物會不會導致服用者被控製或洗腦，我認為這很好地解釋了。
The psychiatric medicine will have to be taken to keep the hormones that control emotions to have the right balance for a great long time so to prevent relapse. So even if say later on the psychiatrist declares the delightful news that I am completely healed, he will still make me stay on meds for quite a long while.
精神科藥物必須要保持長時間服用，才可保持控制情緒的賀爾蒙有一個平衡，以防止複發。 所以，即使後來精神科醫生會對我說出我完全康復的愉快消息，他仍然會要我繼續服藥一段長的時間。
I am still not able to control many anxious symptoms due to my anxiety so I will have to stay on meds. I guess it is because I have decided to go back to U.K. to finish my studies even I am not yet fully recovered. I may look stupid compared to friends who used to be in the same school year as me; they have already been working for one to two years already , but I am still studying.
由於我的焦慮症，我仍然不能控制許多焦慮症狀，所以我不得不還在吃藥。 我想這是因為即使我還沒有完全康復，我也決定回英國完成我的學業吧。比以前和我在同一學年的朋友，我可能看起來愚蠢吧; 他們已經工作了一到兩年，但我仍在唸書。
Now, I know that I am an individual so I don’t care what others do but I should just care what I do. I will be a good patient and a good student. On top of that, I am practising not to judge and criticise myself too much; I am actually allowed to do anything provided it is legal and I am aware of the consequences right?
現在，我知道我是一個獨立的個體，所以我不在乎別人做什麼，但我應該只關心我要做什麼。 我要去做一個好病人和一個好學生。 最重要的是，我要練習不要判斷和批評自己太多; 我實際上是可以做任何事情，只要是合法的事，還有我知道其後果就OK了吧。